My not-quite-book-tour in Orlando

Dear James Franco:

On Thursday I arrived in Orlando for a sort-of-but-not-quite book tour. If I haven’t said this enough, my first book, a novella called Wally, was just published by Burrow Press. Buy it:

You can get it on Amazon as well:

And if you need a better sales pitch, you can watch the trailer:

Anyway, I want to inform you about my Florida trip, but I fear boring you. Been there, done that, right? You’re probably desensitized to the enormity and significance of experiences like I had last weekend. Yet, my gut insists that I tell you the story, though I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe you’d benefit from vicariously positioning yourself within the realm of my small-scale triumphs. Maybe I’ll evoke your nostalgia for the early days of your writing career, when you had to fight your way up from street-level; when you stuffed countless envelopes with stories and braced yourself for the subsequent deluge of rejections; when you felt bewildered, lost, intimidated, terrified; when nobody complemented your writing or even wanted to help you make it better because, to them, you were no one special, you were just one of the thousands of aspiring writers; when the idea of having an agent seemed as impossible as trying to count how many miles are in the color orange; when you wished to God that someone would show you how to navigate your way through this massive and confusing culture, with all its AWP stuff and lit magazines and contests; when you wished to God that someone would grant you all the time in the world to focus on your writing, while he takes care of figuring everything out for you; someone who’d know which of the thousands of magazines to send stuff to, how to find their addresses and current editors, and how to write a cover letter. Nostalgia is healthy James. When we remember how hard things were, it humbles us and quiets the ego.


My flight arrived on Thursday at 1:00. Ryan, the publisher and editor at Burrow Press, picked me up at the airport, and then drove me to Scott’s house. Scott is a kind man who puts up couch-surfers. This all worked out favorably, since I didn’t have money for a hotel. Originally, I wanted to pitch a tent at a campground or sleep in the bushes at a nearby park. The latter seemed more appealing. Although this sounds nonsensical, I’ll take any opportunity to manufacture my image in creative ways. My favorite writers were also skilled at performing the role of the aloof and crazy writer. Think about it: a writer comes to town for several events pertaining to his book release, and when people ask him where he’s staying, he answers, “I’m sleeping in a park. I found a nice cluster of bushes that I can crawl into.” He’s disheveled, mildly smelly, and dirty. He rolls out of the bushes all scraped up, walks six blocks, and arrives at the venue hosting his reading. Then, when he’s done, he goes back to the park and slithers back inside the bushes. I like that.

Ryan wasn’t thrilled with the idea. I understood why. But maybe if I’m lucky enough to have a third book one day, I’ll say, “I will only come to do a reading if you let me sleep in the bushes.”

After meeting Scott, we headed down to the University of Central Florida. I’d been invited to do two events on campus. A professor of Creative Writing had invited me to read to his undergraduate class of about thirty students. They were taking am upper-level section on the novella. Incidentally, I’d written a novella. I would read for about fifteen minutes, and then open the floor for a Q & A session.

The reading went OK. The students enjoyed it, but I picked a scene that takes a long time before anything really develops. The Q&A session—my first ever—was far more interesting. Here’s the thing. I’m about to tell you the thing. You’re acquainted with the social decorum of graduate programs; you’ve undoubtedly noticed—and perhaps perpetuated—the unspoken rule that when a visiting writer or scholar opens up his/her discussion for questions, you best not ask anything stupid (or too smart. Asking Denis Johnson to elaborate on the post-Lacanian mirror-inversion of gender commoditization would make you seem dickish). Dim-witted inquires, supposedly, involve subject matters like author biography, inspiration, ideas, habits, and influences. Whenever a writer visits UC, those are precisely the questions I’d like to ask, but I bite my tongue. Undergraduates, however, don’t give the fuck about etiquette or asking impressive, theoretical questions. They’re eager, and they want to know The Secret; they want The Answer to this whole writing business. During the entire forty-five minutes, there wasn’t a single moment of awkward silence lingering in the classroom because we had urgent and important matters to discuss. Typical questions were, “Where do you get your ideas from?”, “How do you know when a story is finished and ready to be sent out?”, “How much time do you spend writing every day?”, “How do you become a better writer?”, “How do you find your voice?”, “How did you write Wally?”, “How did you go about finding a publisher?” and so on. I loved it. They wanted to know every effing thing about the writer, the writer’s lifestyle, the writer’s struggles, the writer’s work ethic, and it was—to coin a new phrase—a breath of fresh air to be in a classroom where students weren’t ashamed to be beginners.

I’ve gone on too long already, and I’m still on day one. Let me just wrap up this posting by telling you about the rest of Thursday. After my classroom visit, I kindly “invited” the students to buy my book. I anticipated that maybe four or five would make the purchase, but get this: everyone bought it. I think I outsold Cincinnati in that one undergraduate class. I suddenly have an urge to visit more undergraduate writing classes. Hmmm.

After the class, we (me, Ryan, and the professor who’d hooked me up) went out to eat. Then, it was onto the next event—a public reading at UCF, sponsored by one of the student organizations. Days prior, when I’d imagined the event, I saw myself in some trashy community room in the student union. I visualized leftover pizza boxes from the day’s earlier functions, a threadbare carpet marked with soda stains, old couches and recliners filled with holes and gashes and bleeding out their cotton interiors, the walls a patchwork eyesore of fliers and announcements, and a rattling Coke machine in the corner. Nope, James Franco. Fantasy fail. My imagination was incorrect. The event was in a partitioned ballroom, a location that seemed far too elegant for someone who isn’t even considered an “emerging writer.” There was a stage with drapes hanging from the back wall, a podium, a microphone, and rows of seats. Not metal fold-out chairs or those generic plastic ones found in student union buildings, cafeterias, and dorms, but nice, cushioned seats. This was some AWP-style shit. I thought, “Have you mistaken me for someone else?” I glanced around for Lorrie Moore. I checked to see if Ron Carlson was taking a shit in the bathroom, or if Steve Almond was sitting at a table outside, with his head planted down on his arms. No, James Franco, this was about me. How’d I know? There was a cookie cake on a table by the door. “Welcome Don Peteroy” was written in sugary goo across the cake’s surface. Again, this seemed unreal. I’d spent most of my childhood convinced that I’d become the kind of person that nobody would welcome, that my celebratory cake would consist of fish guts and kitty litter, and would bear the words “Go Elsewhere” in the blood and tears of my traumatized victims.

The place filled up, just about every seat taken. I read. I read a better part, a manic interior diatribe about the Transformers action figure, Soundwave. They loved it. And then, the Q & A. I wasn’t nervous at all because I absolutely love talking to aspiring writers. Halfway through, I’d discovered my shtick. I’d received the same variety of questions that were asked earlier, and my responses—at least according to how I heard myself—were more along the motivational speaker lines. I was the Wayne Dyer of young writers, telling them that in the first draft, they mustn’t judge themselves; rather, they must outrun the inner-critic who always says, “Your writing sucks! Just look at that sentence! It’s horrible! Why even bother to go on? Face it, you’ll never been a good writer!” Once that first draft is finished, catch your breath, take a shower, eat, and watch some TV. Later, the critic—who you’d left in the dust—will finally arrive, panting and sweating from a long jog. Invite him/her in. Return to your draft, and now give the critic permission to trash it. He’ll be loud at first, pointing out every little mistake as evidence of your ineptitude, but the more you revise, the less he’ll have to say. You’ll know your story’s done when he’s quiet, when he’s searching hard for menial flaws, when he occasionally mumbles something trivial. Revising draft after draft effectively covers the critic’s mouth with duct tape. (If you don’t have a critic—if you’re so confident in your ability to write wonderful prose—find a critic. You’re deluding yourself. You’ll never get anywhere).

I was digging it James, not in a self-obsessed way, but on a more karmic level. Here’s the thing. I’m going to tell you the thing. I strongly believe that you can’t keep what you have unless you give it away. When I first started writing, I had no community—no workshops to point out my errors; no mentors; no way to develop craft other than through trial and error; no knowledge of the literary magazine culture’s conventions and practices; no understanding of how to gain access and maneuver myself through that world; and no insight about what it means to fail (I would have loved to know that most writers amass hundreds of rejections). Here I was in a position to both inform and encourage, to let confused and timid writers know that getting 100 rejections isn’t the end of the world—it’s not even close, to impart them with the uncomfortable wisdom that if you want this, casual reading and writing won’t suffice—there are no shortcuts, unless, of course, you have an economic and cultural advantage, but those instances are rare.

I felt alive again, James Franco. Not because I got a lot of attention and praise, but because—I hope—a whole bunch of writers left the ballroom feeling better about themselves, feeling optimistic even though failure is the most common outcome, feeling determined and inspired to read and write as if the world depended on it. The crazy thing is, after winning the Playboy College Fiction contest and getting Wally published, I’ve had a difficult time writing. Talking to these students brought me back to my ground-state. I felt inspired for the first time in about a year.  I’ve got some stories on my plate, and I’m eager to make another full revision on the Wally’s sequel, My Helicopter Heart (The 600 page novel about Wally stalking your friend Kirsten Dunst during the Christian Apocalypse).

I have three other events I’d like to talk about. It might take me a long time to cover them because I have a more important blog-related project in the works. Something interactive.

Anyway, I hope that my success reminded you of all your little successes you accrued on your way up, and that you’re feeling a bit of gratitude about where you’ve gone and where you are as a writer.

Don Peteroy


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About Letters to James Franco

My name is Don Peteroy. I'm a PhD. candidate at University of Cincinnati. My major has a long name, so try to say it in one breath: "English and Comparative Literature with a Creative Dissertation." I spent the majority of my adult years as a social worker. I decided it's pointless to help people, so I've devoted the rest of my life to reading and writing. Here's all my publications and works in progress: My novella, "Wally," published by Burrow Press, in the fall of 2012. Novella: "A World Without Owls" Unpublished. Novel: "My Helicopter Heart" Unpublished. A failed playwright stalks Kirsten Dunst during the Christian apocalypse. My short story, "The Circuit Builders" is the winner of the 2012 Playboy College Fiction contest, and will appeared in the October 2012 issue. Here's are more published and forthcoming short stories: "The Trouble With Hello is Goodbye": Arcadia Magazine 7, 2014. "Kurt Vonnegut Didn't Like Me" Online Sundries, 2/14 "Because I Want to Know You" forthcoming reprint in Short Story America "A Hole Without A Rim," forthcoming in the Florida Review "Keeping it for Good," The Heartland Review. Forthcoming. “A Penny In A Pill Bottle,” Dislocate, Winter 2012. “Because I Want to Know You” Yemessee, 19.2, 2002. “The Sluggers” Santa Carla Review. Spring 2012. “Maps and Legends” Chattahoochee Review. Spring 2012. “Melinda, Listen to Me” Permafrost, vol. 33, 2011. “Rondo” Licking River Review, Fall 2011. “The Ugly Marriage Counselor” Eleven Eleven, vol.11, 2011. “The Healing Frequency” Newport Review, Summer 2011. “His Name Equals His Name” The Ultimate Writer Magazine, Summer 2011. “This Is How I Will Hold You” The Westchester Review, vol. 5, 2011. “In Accordance To The Needs Of A Canadian Literary Magazine” Worcester Review, vol. 31.1, 2011. “Too Much Anthropology” Cream City Review, vol. 34.2, 2011. “There Are No Fragments” Ellipsis, vol. 46, 2010. “Confessions of a Misunderstood Sidekick” Farallon Review, vol.3, 2010 “One Day, God Will Kill Everyone” Oyez Review, vol. 37, 2010. “When Hawks Make Love” The Susquehanna Review, Fall 2009. “Goddess Corpse” The Maynard, Fall 2009. “Misconceptions About the Nature of Blood” CRIT Journal, Summer 2009. “Go Up” The Cynic, Fall 2009. “The Misuse of Old British Words” Two Hawks Quarterly, Spring 2009. “Dead or Unlisted” The Rejected Quarterly, Spring 2003. “Sleep Log” The Timber Creek Review, Spring 2002. There are other stories out there, somewhere, but I've lost track. Awards: “From One Object to Another.” Finalist for the Glimmer Train Short Fiction Award, 2009. “His Name Equals His Name” Finalist for the Gulf Coast Donald Barthelme Award, 2009. “In Accordance To The Needs Of A Canadian Literary Magazine” 2011 Pushcart Prize nominee. "A World Without Owls." Finalist, Gold Line Press Chapbook Contest, 2011. “Confessions of a Misunderstood Sidekick” Sacramento Stories on Stage Series in California, June 2011. "The Circuit Builders" winner of the Playboy College Fiction Award 2012. "The Trouble With Hello is Goodbye" nominated for a Pushcart Award.

2 responses to “My not-quite-book-tour in Orlando”

  1. Ruth Savoia says :

    Congratulations on your UCF visit. Please send me the professor’s name so I can use my gift of subtle sarcasm to expres my disappointment in missing you. I live about an hour away, but heck, I love cake. All jokes aside, I belong to a statewide writers group and we would loved to some feedback, but since most of us are old dogs, I don’t know how many people I’d be able to get together. Next time you come to the area please let me know; maybe we can do a two-for-one deal.
    Best regards from the iPhone from hell.


  2. Matt Mullaney says :


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

- What Does Not Kill Me -

Richard Thomas writes neo-noir transgressive slipstream fiction. It just means dark and strange.

Phoebe Reeves

Poet, Professor, Performer

Matt on Not-WordPress

Stuff and things.

The Colonial Texan

Southwest goes Northeast

Failure Loves Company

The Literary Misadventures of J. Bradley

Megan Has OCD

About Mental Health, Daily Struggles, and Whatever Else Pops in My Head


Photographs from my world.


easy reading is damn hard writing

Ray Ferrer - Emotion on Canvas

** OFFICIAL Site of Artist Ray Ferrer **

Typed Slowly

the hows, whats, and whys of beer

Small Press Reviews

Sporadically reviewing small press books since 2007 (or thereabouts)...

The Drunken Odyssey

A Podcast About the Writing Life

Dan Ariely

My Irrational Life

Oyez Review

The literary magazine of the Creative Writing Program at Roosevelt University

Adventures In American Writing

Words depicting Adventures of the Human Brain


elissa lauren field

in the company of words

A Bookish Bi

Everything's better when it's queer.

%d bloggers like this: